Dear Sarah,
There is radio silence, but I know to be patient. So here I am.
I thought today was the day I’d get my diagnosis. I didn’t. They strangely went through the hassle of reminding me numerous times about my appointment day/time over the last few weeks and that I needed to be available at least 30 minutes before the scheduled time, but 9am came and went in panicked silence.
When I confronted the Psychiatrist about not contacting me for my appointment, he lied and said he was having technical issues. He didn’t even apologize for his tardiness. It turned into one of the worst hours I’ve ever experienced with a medical professional, and you know I’ve had multiple colonoscopies done in my lifetime.
I did my best to remember the details of the session, but the feeling contended with my anxious anger and wanting to be rid of the discomfort. Now as I write to you, hours later, I notice the space between myself and my feelings that didn’t exist yet this morning.
You would have been mad by his lack of professionalism. You would have been annoyed by how he asked his intake questions and the little care he took in both his delivery and his responses. You would have known I was so disappointed by how it went. You would have asked what questions he asked (and probably, asked about the order of the questions). You would have been infuriated at his misdiagnosis of me and protective over my feelings.
I wish I could hold onto my anger better. I always let it slip through my fingers at some point in a way that also causes me some kind of amensia. It frustrates me. I’m sure it’s the ADHD, which I apparently don’t have.
K